What To Do When Your Iphone Becomes Cactus...

...PANIC, and become overtaken by a feeling of intense vulnerability and impending DOOM.

So my Iphone stopped working two days ago. One second it was working and the next, it was a useless black lump. I suspected it was because I have a habit of sticking my Iphone down my shorts when I am at the gym or walking up Mt Lofty and then sweating all over it. In fact, I was walking up Mt Lofty and sweating quite profusely when it happened, so there you go.

The great thing though, is that I put that up as my status update, and it turns out a lot of girls do the same thing. I think there is a market for gym-friendly phone covers with clips and anti-sweat protection. Or just gym gear with pockets.

Image credit: Facebook

It really annoyed me how helpless I felt without my phone, because I really hate how dependent we are on technology. I hate being out with someone and sitting there staring at the wall while they check their Facebook notifications or their email or Instagram. Or their Dream Team. And if they're not doing that, their phone is sitting on the table and you just know that half their attention is on the phone. I think it is incredibly rude to be walking with someone and to have your earphones in listening to music at the same time. And I think its just ridiculous seeing two people sit next to each other talking on Facebook and commenting on each others status and check ins.

The problem I think I have, firstly, is that it is rude as all hell, but secondly, is that it that it robs us of our ability to completely immerse ourself in and fully enjoy a situation. And it sucks. People are too busy checking in and tagging people and Instagramming photos of their breakfast that they don't actually stop to enjoy the place they've checked into, or the company of the people that their with. Or their breakfast goes cold by the time they're done uploading photos.

The other thing that annoys me about Facebook in particular, is the added layer of complication that Facebook brings to relationships. When to make it official. When to break it off. When to change the profile picture of the two of you as a couple. Although, really its just amusing...

When I was overseas, I roomed with a girl who had just broken up with her boyfriend. But she hadn't changed her profile picture of the two of them because apparently you have to leave it for a few days, otherwise you seem like you care too much. So of course she spent every morning checking his profile page to check if he had changed his, then talking about whether to change hers that day. And then the rest of the day was spent trying to get a cool, provocative-looking but seemingly effortless travel photo which could be used as a profile picture replacement when the big day finally arrived.

Of course, the inevitable happened and he changed his profile picture first. So then of course, she couldn't change hers for another few days because otherwise he would just KNOW that she had been looking at his Facebook and seen that he had changed his photo.

Anyway.

So my Iphone broke and first I tried pressing all the buttons and holding them down for ages. And when that didnt work, I tried charging it while placing it in a bowl of rice (apparently the rice will absorb moisture). When that failed epicly, I called the Vodafone help line. Now I tried REALLY REALLY hard to avoid sterotyping and being mean. But. A person with a heavy Indian accent answered and proceeded to waste my time for the next fifteen minutes.

'Excuse me what did you say?'

Image credit: simpsons.wikia.com

'Please let me put you on hold while I look at your records and check for a solution.'
...
'Did you try charging it?'
'Yes? Let me put you on hold for another minute.'
...
'Did you try to press the sleep button and the home button at the same time for at least ten seconds?'
'Yes? let me put you on hold for another minute.'
...
'You will need to take it into a Vodafone store.'
...'Thankyou, please come again.'

No, just kidding. But at least he was very polite.

So that is my Iphone rant. And here is Tom Gleeson's Iphone rant, which I think is hilarious. The line, 'fingering it like a spastic', and the accompanying facial expression, kills me every single time.

But I think he's right. An iPhone is like a penis. And that was confirmed yesterday when I went in to fix/get a new Iphone.

I was lucky enough to be served by a wonderful salesperson, who I would have loved to ask out on a friend date, if that was socially acceptable and not considered weird and creepy. We got chatting about the iPhone 4S versus the iPhone 5, and she said the iPhone 5 was a bit longer. And I said, 'Well, you know. Size does matter.' She replied with, 'Well, I do love the Samsung Galaxy...'. Seven inches of hard... ware. Wink wink, ladies?

Anyway. So I got my new phone yesterday. Proud to say, on the day that Adelaide went mad for the release of the iPhone 5... I went and bought myself an Iphone 4S. Because I'm that cool.

Image credit: itproportal.com

I also bought myself a fancy waterproof, shockproof and hopefully sweatproof case, so that I can sweat it out at the gym and still have a functioning phone at the end of it.

I'm going to finish on a nice little quote that we came up with while we ranted about iPhones (another reason why we totally should have friend-dated). Something along the lines of people spend so much time on their iPhones creating a 'moment' by checking in and updating statuses and uploading photos, that the actual moment passes them by. So it all looks amazing and fantastic on Facebook, but in reality, its just two people sitting there fingering their phones like spastics and having a dull-ass time.

Seriously... watch the clip!